Boring times .. desperately boring .. well atleast by now most of the few readers I have, must have understood that I am not that kind of a literary genius who can construct deeply philosophical prose or poetry out of the depths of my now defunct heart or brain . My literary shenanigans almost hovers around that of scavenging a normal piece of event and contorting it to some cheap ridicules (usually based around the abdominal area) . So when Grandpa Sibal decided to sieve all online content banning anything that ridicules Aunty G and Baby G (PBUH) , I thought maybe I should call it quits and close this blog . For us pseudo writers, you can’t expect to get even half a decent page of words if you take holy cows like Aunty G or Baby G out of our reverential critique .
But then we really don’t live in such a desperately boring world , one can always find some self righteous moron issuing some really weird diktat elucidating mockery from some and serious contemplation from other equally minded morons .And I was’nt disappointed . F.A.S.T – F.A.R.T (Fatwa Against Sexual Tolerance – Fatwa Against Religious Tolerance) is a dual body organisation affiliated to the powerful body J.A.M (Jihadis Against Madonna) . While F.A.S.T-F.A.R.T specializes in issuing fatwas which specifically targets the general well being of women born under the crescent moon, J.A.M is a totalitarian body that recruits people born under the crescent moon , transforms them into Jihadis to fight against tyrrants like Israel , US , Justine Bieber and the likes ( well I really don’t know what’s Madonna doing in J.A.M but maybe they meant Materialism ). Coming back to the issue , in one of the recently concluded F.A.S.T-F.A.R.T conventions, one of the D-I-C-K [Director In- Charge (of) Know(all)] ,Professor Kamal Shubi, reported that women should be disallowed from driving as it increases their sexual instincts thereby sodomising the whole Muslim society . This comes from the same man who in his earlier works elaborated the direct correlation of Muslim woman sitting in coffee shops and the intensity of their carnal instincts . He said that in one of his such ‘dressed-as-a- sexy-Casanovic-Mullah’ encounter in a coffee shop, a woman made amorous gestures giving him indications of her being available for ‘sexy-Casanovic-Mullah-meets-Burqa –clad-Sharon Stonic’ sex .(read – Arabic Basic Instinct fornication)
Well I guess after reading the last line many of you are contemplating a move to an arab country and camping outside a coffee shop, but then again if you have’nt had much luck in your local CCD you would’nt have much luck in an Arab one (maybe only if Mr. Shubi decides to be your wingman ). And again if you are thinking that like all my previous posts I am gonna get into the preachy mode and tell you all how disgracefully wrong or ludicrous the whole stuff is .. well then I guess I would’nt want to waste my precious little time over what some D-I-C-K says or does .The whole episode is as idiotic as an African country passing a law which makes farting in public a punishable offence (and this one is actually true) . Instead what struck me was that as a God fearing God abiding person born under the crescent moon I should be entitled to issue some fatwas too . So here’s my list .. please feel free to add your own or counter my fatwa with another fatwa if you are truly a God fearing God abiding person born under the crescent moon.
#1. Fatwa against fasting – seriously guys grow up.. there are thousand better ways to protest , like putting your index finger in your head in a gun shaped mode and then pseudo shooting yourself making a “phrooosshh” sound whenever you see the didactic finger wagging of Anna on TV .
#2.Fatwa against Delhi organizing flash mobs - You can’t expect to celebrate 100 years and not have a flash mob video of your city on Youtube (yes Delhi-ites this is a retaliation from a pure Bong for taking the tag of capital city away from us in 1911 )
#3. Fatwa against Big Boss surprise entries –even after bringing Sunny Leone into the house no one is watching the show , so it’s high time they close it and invest the money in our very own native Porn Industry (a high potential but grossly overlooked sector in the Indian economy) .
#4. Fatwa against Karan Johar – film studios should get a restraining order from him . You remake Agneepath and put a song named Chikni Chameli into it . Stick to making Ducky porn for nubiles , darling .
#5. Fatwa against Rahul Gandhi wearing clothes way beyond his size and age – Rahul Gandhi should only wear diapers . Period .
(P.S – if somehow you find the link to my blog not working blame it on the last issued Fatwa and Grandpa Sieve-all)
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