Frankly speaking I always was a fan of Osama Bin Laden , not that I am a jihadi fanatical muslim who belches out Islamic hiccups after regularly devouring beef biriyanis and throws paper planes from his office rooftop with Quranic verses written on them . I am as far removed from Islam as Monica Bellucci is from Rakhi Sawant . But now that Osama is supposedly dead and one can safely presume that the CIA would be busy hosting playboy themed parties and the Al- Qaeda would be busy surfing makemytrip.com to get a knowhow of places frequented by Americans instead of monitoring my scribblings , I can safely confess that I liked that guy . Not because he killed thousands of Americans , Pakistanis , Nicaraguans , Papua New Guineans ,Beninians ,Burundians , Iraqis (sorry the last one were killed by the US ) all to avenge Muslim deaths and to establish sharia laws which is as vulgarly obscene as a woman wearing a bikini over a burqha . I liked him cause somehow he reminded me of one of my favourite heroes Suniel Shetty from one of my favourite movie Border .
If you have watched Border, one of the finest Bollywood movie after Disco Dancer, you would obviously get the drift with Suniel Shetty . For those who have not , in the movie Suniel Shetty played host to precisely 17 bullets (yes I counted !!) in his chest and thoracic region , laid dormant for a while , got up , got a mine , walked straight into enemy territory , landed the mine underneath a tanker with one hand holding up the tanker, blew it up , thought of his super sexy girlfriend , shouted out “Maaaaa .. Shakti”, killed another dozen enemy soldiers with his spittle and supposedly lay dormant again . There was such conviction in his acting that I thought it was impossible for him to die and even when the end credits rolled I expected him to burst out of the scene with oral drippings dripping onto my face screaming out “Maaaaa.. Shakti” . But he never did but Osama did just that and went onto to do that over and over again for the past decade (not the ‘Maaaa .. Shakti’ part you idiot .. the ‘not dying’ part)
Common you have to give credit to the guy ,who many of my Islamically bent communist friends (heady mix) called “sala baagher bacchha” (true tigers son), for cheating death many times over, that too against a country who are truly good at invading foreign lands and killing off entire generations .For a start the Americans told us that he might have been killed in Tora Bora but after few days of that announcement Osama was allegedly spotted in a playboy mansion alongside Berlusconi .Then we heard that he has a fatal kidney disease which Osama replied with a video of him singing “ Hum ka peeni hain “ . Even now when Obama was almost orgasmically announcing “Justice has been done” I expected Osama to put his head up from Obama’s back and whisper “Tuki” wrapping his hands around Obama’s eyes . Otherwise how would anyone justify that the most wanted man in the world (after Bappi Lahiri ) was actually hiding in a resort town of a country which at best can be described as the mistress of US (citation needed as the UK may also claim the spot but studies have shown that UK is actually the poodle of the US) .
And I have my doubts but this time albeit from a different view . Now no matter how hard the US tells you that he is the state’s numero uno enemy ,Osama is actually a great PR machinery for US presidents specially those whose popularity ratings have hit rock bottom and are seeking re-election in two years . It will not be surprising that in twenty years time a president fighting dwindling employments rates in his country ( like Obama is doing now ) will wake you up and say “Boo .. last government accidentally killed a hairy guy called Anil Kapoor but now surely we have killed Osama ...worship me earthlings” . As far as Osama is concerned he might be plotting another strike or he might have had enough of acting Islamist Jihadi so he decided to settle down with his five wives in a large mansion in Hawaii or he might be preserved for posterity in area 51 for future US use or as, to put it more exotically , Verbal Kint said "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."
P.S : What on earth is Geronimo ??? Operation P.L.A.T.O.O.N (Plunder Loot Afghanistan Then Obliterate Osama Nigga) would have been so Hollywood savvy .
