Reasons why Indians vote : An Article so thrilling that even Game of Thrones would seem like SpongeBob SquarePants in comparison

(Statutory Warning – The facts and figures mentioned in the article are result of days of survey, research and study. But having said this the author of this article does not vouch for the validity of the same for the following reasons : first, the author is not a fool and secondly it is insanely cool to write statutory warnings)

By the time you would be reading this, almost 67.57 % of the Indian populace would have exercised their electoral rights. The remaining couldn’t because either their turn did not come or they were busy fighting off Loki and his alien allies. Considering the amount of disgruntled rants about the state of affairs in the country and how nothing ever would change, we as a country love to vote. So while you were busy counting the number of times Rahul Gandhi has empowered woman, we have been celebrating ourselves with titles like worlds largest democracy, which according to the survey comes a close second in the ‘Worlds Largest Awesome things’ list, first being the worlds largest Pizza “Ottavio”. Spanning over like a month, it is our answer to the FIFA World Cup or the Beer Fest of the worlds. But what makes this event a success ? Why do Indians vote ? Thankfully much of these questions  were answered by the survey, the key findings of which are summarized below.

The survey was done in metros and pseudo metros which I feel is pretty much representative of the Indian hoi polloi. The reasons are enumerated in no specific order and the reader has the full discretion to allot any preference they want to.

1. Because Deepika Padukone said “Your vote will make a difference” – Now I seriously don’t know, what difference it will make to what, but I seriously would like to believe that voting will make a difference in the number of girls who would think I am Brad Pitt, or it would make a difference in the amount of zeroes behind my salary figure or atleast Deepika would be impressed by it and drop by for a coffee.

2. Because Alia Bhatt said that by voting “YOU can make a change” – Again, I really have no clue what ‘YOU’ seeks to change , I hope it changes the maximum age criteria of Indian Airlines Air Hostesses. But please somebody tell the poor girl the president of India is N. Srinivasan and not Prithvi Raj Chauhan.

3. Because I got a new Luis Vuitton Bag / Xylus watch – What is left of an election day if you don’t have a picture of it on your FB wall. Selfies are like so passé now and you really can’t strut around with your new fashion accessories in a selfie right. So behold, we give you iNK ( i-New Kool)  – they are trendy, cool and it goes with your pouty look or your ‘angry young man ought to make a difference in 24 mins or less’ look.

4. Because I am socially responsible and I know it – Again intrinsically linked with the social media but mutually exclusive of the above reason. The motivation behind this is to change the world and let the world know it before somebody else takes up your five minutes of fame. Statistically it has been proved that as opposed to people in the above mentioned category, socially responsible people tend to focus more on their fingers while clicking their Election day pictures and would Photoshop their picture with sepia or grayscale tone effect to make it more impactful. Statistics have also shown that most of them believe that all politicians are thieves and Rahul Gandhi and Modi are contesting from their very own constituency.

5. Because I’ll get a free pass to an insanely costly Pub – Not lacking far behind our electorate, the Indian Corporate also does its bid to be part of the Mardi Gras-que bonhomie by rolling out incentives of free passes to pubs, free haircuts in vulgarly expensive salons, free packets of Deodrants and what not, all by showing your iNK. (Karl Marx be appalled and Gandhi be damned).

Statistics has also shown that with the advent of the social media, the voting turnout in the urban and the semi urban areas have increased to 45 % whereas dramatically in the extreme rural areas it has risen just by 1.37 %. In light of these revelations, political parties along with the Election Commission have decided to distribute 3g enabled, FB and Whatsapp installed handsets in the rural areas.

Apart from all of these, one of the most pertinent question that the study has thrown up is the number of people who are not accounted for in the above mentioned motivators. In what seems to be a nebulous area in the electorate, experts believe that these breed of people actually vote for strange things like democracy and fundamental duty. Perplexing to many is the unabashed vulgarity of these breed not to post picture of their finger or any self-aggrandizing update or even a mere 140 character tweet about this momentous event. The answers might still be hidden in the intricacies of this survey study but frankly I am not stoned enough to write another page on it. So .. enjoy the holiday .. hope you have the balls to take tomorrow off and head of to Goa for all the efforts you have put in today.. Party Hard .. Vote Harder…

{P.S : To the hundreds of my fans (and this includes 85 of my neighbour’s dogs) who have been starving themselves to death, waiting for a new post from my side … Sorry ……. for returning again}