Dr.Shaggy : How I loved the beard and stopped worrying about hell.

I always loved my moral science(Bible) class in school . So right in the middle of evolution and quantum mechanics I trudged through the mystical fantasies of the Old Testament . So while my dad panicked that I was going to transform myself to a Cross loving Kafer , he bought me a copy of the more Arabic version of the mythical fantasy stories . And to add to that we had Mahabharatha(the big daddy of all adventure series) for our hindi classes . So in a sense I’more qualified to comment on religion than any baba or osaMA . So here is my take on how you can be a good GOD fearing secular boy who would be a welcome addition to the slum cake of the super secular Akhtars & Azmis.

So what is the way to a life err..aferlife of bliss : GROW A BEARD. Before you give that pseudo fundamentalist pseudo secularist look,Im gonna give you my reasons . For a start His son sported a great brown one .. and so did the guy whose cartoon you can't draw or whose name you cannot utter unless you want your hand chopped off or want a fatwa dangling from your derriere. If you still want further proof look at Balasaheb Thakeray, he started sporting one a few years back(another reason he could not get along with Raj, his clean shaven nephew).Or look at Baba Ramdev , the new rockstar acrobat from India who can huff and puff under his beard to heaven. Did you ever wonder why no one nowadays listens to the pope .. well get him a beard and he would become Pope John –Paul – George –Ringo all rolled into one (an Eddie Izzard joke).

I have always been a god fearing guy .. common you got to love the guy who created the universe in seven days ( Charles Darwin be damned.. common who listens to monkey loving guys ) , put the earth smack in the centre of the universe (Galileo be damned.. remember the church said he was a lunatic) , dropped food from the sky ( he has stopped providing the services now & outsourced it to Mac D which many godless starved famined satan loving infants of the third world can’t afford) .

So rev up people .. God has stopped being a GOD OF SMALL THINGS .Now his business card reads GOD OF BEARDED BEINGS : Godfather of all people who kills innocent men , decapitates women and starves infants .

ITS A PLANE ... ITS AN OX .. NO ITS OBA"business"MAN

Why doesn’t Obama use a Time portal to travel to the snake charmers land ? He would rather use an earthly aeroplane , bring hundreds of  fellow aliens along giving them a feeling that they have a job . So when obama is not playing the good cop in Iraq , bad cop in Afghanisthan  & blind cop in Pakistan .. he plays the mascot for naukri.com. If it were’nt for the constant animations of the news channel, any common man from a snake charmers land would have perceived him to be a hard-boiled  “Vyapari” trying hard-sell his hardwares just before diwali .  He has come in P-E-A-C-E( P- Pakistan as in my friendly,truthful neighbour… E-economy as in jobs in his planet.. A-Aishwarya Rai as in take her back we don’t want her in Hollywood.. C-China as in the super rival planet .. E – economy as in the prize he is gonna get from the Nobel "kiss my bum" committee)....

Now I’m not of a US hater and 32 yrs of commie rule has’nt made me a sucker for socialization . On the contrary I still believe Jim Morisson is a better poet than Rabindranath Tagore( lightning strikes) , Jazz is way better than Rabindra Sangeet( wind blows & lightning strikes) & Sourav Ganguly is an overrated cricketer(calm ….).But you have to admit that Obama could have been a better Rocket Singh than Ranbir Kapoor .What we had hoped for was a more colourful platter .. a Black President of a White nation coming to a Brown nation to fight against the common enemy Yellow nation and make peace with a green neighbour,but what we got was cold steel planes which 99% of people in this country won't get to ride.

So do we need to be wary of this …YESSS !!!!  Its just the devils ploy to take over our Godful nation .Few hundred years back it was the white English alien and now its again the white type headed by a more potent Black leader .

( for those who found the above a bit racist .. plz ..replace BLACK with Afro- American/Coloured whichever is legal…. White with non Afro-American/non Coloured whichever is legal .. Yellow with Dragon.. Brown with Shahrukh Khan and Green with  Mohammed Asif if he is still legal).

INTRO..(this is the most innovative i could get)

Yaay .. I'm doing this ... steady .. first step .... I'm the king of the WORLD...wish i could be .. but alas I am stuck with me . I am what everyone is - common.. hell this is going nowhere ... (I should have read that article on how to write a succesfull blog).Why dont I introduce myself .. I am oxyMORON - the wide eyed cynic .I live in the land of the free .. the supposed cultural capital of an upcoming hip new supermarket called INDIA(..aaaa incredible INDIAaaaaaa... ) . As  every  future fearing family would have wanted their son to be .. I am an engineer ( an over rated mechanic.. who knows how to use the western toilet) and I am currently employed...( i sound so marriagable .. ). About me : I fear (not necessarily in the same order) GOD, dog, lizards,Arundhati Roy,Pakistan,anything west of Pakistan & happy rich people in TV advertisement . I love GOD( there hope I have appeased you Almighty) & Monica Bellucci. I want to be a happy rich guy just like they show it in the TV advertisement.
(By any standards this is lousy .. but still bear with me ... I'll try to improve .. & sorry GOD again .. I dont really hate you .. I really fear you .. dont hurt me ... )