LIB'erated'YA DOG !!!!!

A bare torsoed Lt.Col.Bill Kilgore walks up to Captain Willard with a Texas nonchalance and blurts out “.. I love the smell of napalm in the morning ..” . Well that single line by Robert Duvall might have been the defining scene in the Coppola masterpiece ‘Apocalypse Now’ but apart from making cinematic history it also sheds light on the psychology of men engaged in war . No matter how much The Economist screams out that wars arise from the geopolitical conflicts or economical competition , to me men who decide to go to war have either big ego or small physical attributes . Yes, it’s the Libyan war where the west has again went ahead with its regular 10 yearly plan of sexually intercoursing (F-word again) a country in the name of  democracy .

For the uninitiated the West namely the French, England , US and Canada (please check if the last one qualifies as a country) has invaded Libya to free the Libyans of the tyrrant ‘Q/G’addafi and create a free society where there will be power of  democracy. Well I am not going to be some nonagenarian Bengali Communist (who readily blames the U.S for his weak bladder problems ,calls Manmohan Singh the Indian ‘Dick’, Dick Cheney that is you dirty mind , hopes for a party ticket in this life and hopes to play in the lap of  Jyoti Basu in the afterlife ) and blame it on Oil . Instead let us look at the personal lives of the three Moses in this story and go for the Freudian way of pinning things down .

Case I : Nicolas Sircrazy (Sarkozy) – the President of France, the prime mover in the war, has major domestic issues . His wife stands a good 4 inches taller than him , is a former supermodel and also plays guitar . So to compensate for the 4 inch loss (in height , you dirty mind again) Sircrazy points big guns and big jets at poor hapless guys and silently screams out in bed “J'ai obtenu balles” (I have got balls) .

Case II : David Came’n’Gone (Cameron) – the Prime Minister of  U.K , the poodle of the US like many before him , has just become a dad . And no dad wants to be seen as a loser in the eyes of his little daughters . In his tenure as PM , the unemployment rate has risen up and Britain is in need of dire economic reforms which hardly makes up good lines for a child’s lullaby . But this does : “ Daddy with big guns is gonna fight ; To seek real justice and for what is right “ .

Case III : Barrack Obomb’ya (Obama) -  Well for a start he is a myth and he does’nt exist . It is actually Bush who is wearing an Afro- American suit and calling the shots (Dick Cheney is Michelle Obama in a woman’s suit) . The wise men had predicted the birth of a man named Obama who is gonna free the world of its sins much like a religious chap born a few millennia back but then we are still waiting .

And if you are still brainwashed by your weekly Sunday microphone blaring Communist agenda , well alright oil might have some role to play in the war . For a start Libya is one of the highest producers of oil in Africa which amounts to about a quarter of its GDP . So any turmoil in the region which would ultimately culminate in a oil crisis would send shockwaves in an already fragile western economy. And besides if people of a country want freedom they should be given a chance to earn it themselves without the interference of any other country . If its your problem you certainly don’t want the whole world to know about it … for a change how would Sarkozy feel if Gaddafi mailed him a training video to increase height or Cameron got a phone call from the Libyan outlet of Naukri.com The French Revolution would’nt be what it is if it was called The French ‘with Guillotine sponsored by Spain’ Revolution.

So from above it can be seen that except for Obama (who might again be an alien) all the other movers in the war have some deep seated personal issues which need immediate redressal before they go out of their minds and start attacking every oil producing nation . So no matter how much your local newspaper and columnist want you to believe with big graphs and GDP numbers , remember kids , war is the ultimate morphine for people with big ego or (this time let me be more specific) small physical attributes in the lower abdomen region ( the P- word*) .

* P-word has been deliberately omitted keeping in mind the sensitivity of readers involved . If you still did’nt understand the P-word look up for male genitalia in your thesaurus . If you did and got offended by it please replace P-word with President Bush or Prakash Karat depending on your allegiance .